Rebounding From Setbacks

Jacob was so demolished by the loss of a son that he never regained his joy in living. Joseph was Jacob’s favorite child, being his beloved Rachel’s first-born son. Jacob flaunted his love for Joseph so blatantly that his brothers grew insanely jealous. One day when Joseph was sixteen, his brothers overpowered him and sold him to slave traders, who carried him off to Egypt. His brothers then soaked Joseph’s coat in a dead animal’s blood and presented it to Jacob, suggesting Joseph was killed by a wild beast.

Jacob “tore his clothes, put on sackcloth and mourned for his son many days. All his sons and daughters came to comfort him, but he refused to be comforted. ‘No,’ he said, ‘in mourning will I go down to the grave to my son.’ So his father wept for him” (Gen 37:34-35).

Jacob’s initial frustration over losing Joseph is only too understandable. Yet he fixated on his loss and never rebounded. Tragically, Jacob had many other children, yet never formed the intimate attachment with any that he enjoyed with Joseph--and apparently never tried. God surely gave Jacob numerous opportunities to pick up his life again, yet he remained blind to most of it.

On the other hand, God called Samuel to establish Saul as Israel’s first king, and Samuel took the responsibility deeply personally. He ached to see Saul become a mature spiritual leader, and Israel a nation that followed the Lord wholeheartedly in all its ways

God allowed Samuel to mourn Saul’s defeat for some time. But God finally confronted Samuel, telling him it was time to stop grieving and to devote his energies to a new task. (I Sam 16:1 RSV). Samuel had endured an excruciating defeat in Saul’s downfall. Yet God still had important work for him to do. He was to recruit David and prepare him to become Israel’s king. Fortunately, Samuel had the good sense to obey God and accept this new mission, even though it must have been hard to let go of his grief over Saul at first.

The fact that Samuel was able to move beyond his remorse and turn his attention to David brought benefit not only to himself and David, but to an entire nation. From the evidence we have, Samuel enjoyed working with David, friendship blossomed between them, and Samuel’s interest in life and ministry revived. Samuel is an inspiring example of someone in Scripture who learned to turn the page.

Some people are natural optimists. Their ability to see the bright side of a dark situation and reset their sights after disappointment is mystifying to the rest of us, who are flattened by the same misfortune. Most of us have to work at being optimistic. We have to take decisive steps to break the spell of moods that can hold us captive for long periods. The challenge is greatest when we experience a serious frustrating situation. It can cast a dark shadow over our life from that point on, and forever color our perception of God’s possibilities for us.

In reality, I have learnt that I am much more capable of rebounding from major setbacks than I normally imagine. And I have much greater control over the healing process than I typically think. Here I see four steps that can help.·   

•   I should Take my time : If I have suffered a difficult frustrating situation, I need to allow myself  a fair opportunity to recover emotionally. If I can take time off from other activities and focus exclusively on coming to terms with my situation ,I need to do so. Otherwise, I need to reduce my workload as much as possible for a while.  I need to be gentle on myself, and I should not expect to move mountains during this time .l would I would like to give myself a reasonable period to face the pain I feel and work through it
• I should Appreciate the resilience God has put within me. At the same time, I think and remember how capable God has made me of bouncing back from disappointment. He has built into each of us the ability to let go of past hurts and to refocus our affection in new directions.
• I should Dwell on God’s healing nature. I should also bring to mind constantly that it’s central to God’s nature to bring healing to my deepest hurts. God’s role as a healer is one of Scripture’s most pervasive themes. During his earthly ministry, Jesus spent more time healing physical and emotional problems than he did preaching doctrinal truth.
• I should Take bold steps to break the inertia. After spending some time lamenting a frustration, I need to take determined steps to break the spell of my situation. The point when I should do so often comes well before I feel ready. Yet the effect of even a small beginning can be surprisingly therapeutic. I do think of the Israelites’ experience in Babylon (Jer 29:4-11). They were mourning their homeland continually, seeing no good whatever in their present circumstances. Finally God addresses them through Jeremiah, telling them they’ve grieved their deportation long enough. It’s time to make the best of their new situation, as highly imperfect as it seems. They should take bold initiative to build homes, to be economically productive, to find spouses for themselves and raise families. Even though they feel far from ready, God tells them to do these things anyway, implying he’ll provide many successes as they move ahead.

When the foundations of my life have been knocked out through a major disappointment or broken dream, I should remember the Israelites’ experience in Babylon, and how God counseled them. Their example warns me that I can become so immersed in frustrations, and fixated on my situation, that I miss the special opportunities God gives me to rebuild my life. It can take courageous initiative to break the grip of my situation and make a fresh start. I am praying earnestly that God will help me understand when it is time to step forward, and that he’ll give me courage to go ahead.