A Saturday to Remember

It was a Saturday morning. A Saturday I will never forget. My husband and I must have woken up on the wrong side of the bed because things were bad from the moment we woke up. At about ten in the morning he told me to leave, and I responded with fine I will look for an apartment today.

As I was leaving, he told me to sign a lease because he wanted me out by the end of the month. Then he told me to check my email because he sent me something. I drove to work to read my email and look for apartments online. The email he sent me was just horrible. He had been keeping track of all the times I have hurt his feelings over the last six months and the way he felt when I did certain things. I know it was mostly anger but it hurt me so bad. I sat at my desk shaking and decided that I needed to leave. Not necessarily divorce, but leave.

So, I got lucky. I found a garden apartment in a cute residential area closer to the city and the important people in my life. There was lots of nightlife, shopping, and stuff within a minute walk of the place. The rent was affordable and it was perfect. I had to sign a lease and give him the deposit that day because he had a few other appointments that weekend. I went home later that Saturday evening and I was fine until I walked up to our door. He was taking a nap so I had a few minutes to collect myself. When he woke up, I told him I found an apartment and I would d be out at the end of the week. After about a half hour, he started crying and we both starting talking about all our faults, our love, the way we were, and the way we are. A couple hours into it, it seemed that he did not believe I was leaving. So, I had to reiterate that I actually signed a lease.

At that point I did not think it could get more emotional but it did. He was hysterical and just kept repeating “No Mary, you were not supposed to leave. You were never supposed to leave.” I tried to comfort him and for a while he would not let me. After a total of about 4 hours crying, talking, and begging, I finally convinced him to go to bed. We laid there for another hour talking and crying until he fell asleep in my arms. Next morning we stayed home together but we did not say much. Every time one of us looked at the other, our eyes filled with tears. It was bad but it was calm. It was like the calm before the storm.

This is the worst I have ever felt in my life and this was most definitely the hardest weekend of my life. He went out of town the following weekend, so I packed and moved while he was gone. Two days later he was found dead in his hotel room. He killed himself after learning that I had left. I have become depressed since then. I am completely devastated and have a lot of guilt. Life will never be the same again.