SOME LISTENING PRINCIPLES  Usually it is important to paraphrase and use your own words in verbalizing your understanding of the message. Parroting back the words verbatim is annoying and does not ensure accurate understanding of the message. Depending on the purpose of the interaction and your understanding of what is relevant, you could reflect back the other persons: Account of the facts. Thoughts and beliefs. Feelings and emotions. Wants, needs or motivation. Hopes and expectations.  Don’t respond to just the meaning of the words, look for the feelings or intent beyond the words. The dictionary or surface meaning of the words or code used by the sender is not the message. Inhibit your impulse to immediately answer questions. The code may be in the form of a question. Sometimes people ask questions when they really want to express themselves and are not open to hearing an answer Know when to quit using active listening. Once you accurately understand the sender’s message, it may be appropriate to respond with your own message. Don’t use active listening to hide and avoid revealing your own position. If you are confused and know you do not understand, either tell the person you don’t understand and ask him/her to say it another way, or use your best guess. If you are incorrect, the person will realize it and will likely attempt to correct your misunderstanding. Active listening is a very effective first response when the other person is angry, hurt or expressing difficult feelings toward you, especially in relationships that are important to you. Use eye contact and listening body language. Avoid looking at your watch or at other people or activities around the room.   Face and lean toward the speaker and nod your head, as it is appropriate. Be careful about crossing your arms and appearing closed or critical. Be empathic and nonjudgmental. You can be accepting and respectful of the person and their feelings and beliefs without invalidating or giving up your	"HOW WELL DO YOU LISTEN?"  It is arrogant to answer before you hear. Humility does not presume that it knows precisely what a person is asking until the questioner has finished asking the question." "Proverbs 18:13 says it is our “folly” to answer before we hear. That is, it will make us a fool. One reason for this is that almost all premature answers are based on thinking we know all we need to know. But that is “foolish.” Our attitude should be: What can I learn from this question? The fool thinks he knows all he needs to know. "  Being a good listener is an indispensable skill in negotiating relationships of any kind, in any arena. In a world where we are encouraged to make our points by raising the volume of our discourse, it's a sad reality that listening is now a lost virtue.Think of someone that you love having conversations with. A person that intently listens when you share your heart.  Someone that sincerely cares about what you’re sharing. Someone that makes you feel like he or she took on some of your burden so that when you go your separate ways, you feel lighter and loved.  Then think of a person that you dread having a conversation with. That person that invariably interrupts. Someone that perpetually brings the subject back to themselves at every possible turn. Someone that is easily distracted, doesn’t even let you finish sentences…let alone whole thoughts. Someone that makes you feel inadequate, frustrated, small.There is a big difference between those two people, between those two conversations which one are you? Which one am I?  What kind of attention do we bestow upon others?  Do we convey concern?  Are our intentions selfish?  Or are they other-oriented? During His earthly ministry, Jesus often concluded a lesson by crying out, "He who has ears to hear, let him hear!" concerning John the Baptist - Mt 11:15 the parable of the sower - Mt 13:9 the explanation of the parable of the tares - Mt 13:43  In His letters to the churches of Asia, Jesus concludes each with a similar saying:  "He who has an ear. let him hear what the Spirit says to the churches." - Re 2:7,11,17,29; 3:6,13,22. What is the point of these sayings?  It is akin to saying "What is being said is very important, so you had better pay attention and listen!" - cf. Mk 4:23-25.  It illustrates that Jesus had a problem that often exists today: Many people simply don't listen Or don't listen so as to understand  We can classify listeners into 3 categories  THE "DULL OF HEARING": Some of the Hebrew Christians were like this  cf. He 5:11. Note that when a person has this problem, it is hard for others to explain things to them! The fault is not with the "subject" material, nor the "presenter", but with the "listener"! Isaiah wrote of such people, and Jesus applied it to many in His day - Mt 13:13-15. People are this way because they are dull of heart! This prevents them from: Understanding God's truth  Turning from sin to God And being healed (saved) by God!  THOSE WITH "ITCHING EARS"...Paul describes these in 2Ti 4:3-4. Such people listen only to that which is pleasing. So they don't like "sound doctrine" (which often requires the kind of preaching mentioned in 2Ti 4:2).They will find the teachers they want...but then they turn from the truth to fables. THOSE WHO HEAR WITH "A NOBLE AND GOOD HEART"...Jesus speaks of these in Lk 8:15. The Bereans were listeners of this kind - Ac 17:11. They were "fair-minded" (NKJV), thus willing to give Paul a fair hearing. It showed in how they "received" (or listened to) the word: "with all readiness -- This is the kind of listener we all should be! Being a good listener is: ESSENTIAL TO BEING BLESSED... For those willing to listen properly, there are wonderful things to learn - Mt 13:16-17.  Many things which great people (David, Daniel, etc.) did not have the opportunity to learn. Things pertaining to wonderful blessings that are now available in Christ! - cf. Ep 1:3      -- We miss out on these blessings if we do not carefully listen!  ESSENTIAL TO SAVING FAITH...God has ordained that we be saved through faith in Christ - cf. Ro 1:16-17. Such faith comes through proclaiming the gospel, often involving listening to a preacher - cf. Ro 10:14,17. While one can certainly gain faith through reading God's Word (cf. Jn 20:30-31), the fact remains that many are often dependent upon what they first hear proclaimed. One reason faith is often lacking is because people simply are not good listeners They miss out on the evidence in God's Word which produces faith!      -- Does your "listening" hinder the development of your faith?  ESSENTIAL TO BEARING FRUIT...  In the parable of the sower, the only kind of soil (heart) capable of bearing fruit was the one which listened properly - Lk 8:15. That is because bearing fruit comes from "understanding" the grace of God! - cf. Col 1:6Note that the gospel was bearing fruit in the Colossians. But that was "since the day you heard and knew (understood, NAS) the grace of God in truth;" -- Only by listening well can we "understand" God's grace, and be  thus motivated to bear fruit to His glory!  ESSENTIAL TO PREVENTING APOSTASY...There is a real danger of drifting, by neglecting "so great a salvation" - He 2:1-3. The only solution is to "give the more earnest heed to the things we have heard" -- Poor listening is often the first step to apostasy!  ESSENTIAL TO AVOIDING REJECTION AND CONDEMNATION... If we do not listen as we should...Those who teach God's Word have a right to reject us - cf.  Mt 10:14-15. We are judging ourselves unworthy of eternal life - cf. Ac 13:44-49. If we reject the gospel (perhaps by poor listening?), the men of Nineveh and the queen of the South will condemn us at the judgment! - cf. Mt 12:41-42. The men of Nineveh repented after hearing just one lesson from Jonah; will we reject the gospel of Christ after being given many opportunities? The queen of the South went great lengths to hear the wisdom of Solomon; are we willing to go just a short distance to hear God's Word proclaimed? -- The rejection and condemnation is not limited to coming from just these individuals...it will come from God, too!