MY MID-DAY FELLOWSHIP WITH ROSE Some years ago, Rose arrived in USA with her husband and their three children looking for a better new life in a new country.  Several years later, for medical reasons, Rose could not continue with her normal work. She stayed  home , home-schooling her children.  That opened a new dimension in our family fellowship with Rose at 12.00midday when she was leaving therapy and we would fellowship for two hours before I left for work at 2.00pm. Later Rose developed complications with his colon cancer and had to go back Kenya to continue receiving treatment there due to cancer becoming terminal, I wondered whether I would have any chance of meeting  Rose again. I NEVER DID. Memories of Rose makes my heart deeply renewed and gives me greater commitment to serve Him till the last breath of our lives.  Here we see a life full of courage, conviction and commitment that reduces a cancer to nothing. Rose had no fear of death.What she left behind were cherishing memories.  I wrote these notes in my notebook every time I left her apartment at Homewood city in Birmingham Alabama after we had our  12.00 Mid-day fellowship

FROM MY 12.OO MIDDAY NOTEBOOK  “Who is man that you Oh Lord should be mindful of him?” “That small question interrupts the consideration of the story of my life. The narrative appears rather ordinary at first. It is short on especially entertaining accounts and the usual gripping high points that make for the best story telling. But when I look closer, as I would a scene in a child’s diorama, I see that the entire landscape has been made wholly dimensional by the artistry of God Himself. It is beautiful and I cannot look away so quickly. The moments, the characters, the background, all speak of a Designer and Redeemer who has never told a dull tale.”

SHOW ME MORE OF MYSELF “Lord, you promise you are doing good to us just as in those beginning days of creation. Why did we, your children, throw it all away? You were protecting us from evil – from seeing and knowing and feeling the weight and care of it! You wanted to keep our eyes closed as a father covers his son’s eyes from a horrible scene that will forever impact his days. We have been that child who wrestled away from you to look,- to want to see,- to delve into, and now, we cannot look away and cannot erase the visual horror of it! …You have shown me insight that I feel I never wanted to see. You are showing me the truth about myself and I don’t really know if I even want to face it. Ignorance and deceit are the easy way to carry on one’s existence. Such meditation on truth is rare. This world is not my home. These people in it are not my family. This is not the end – this is not all that there is – this isn’t even life…”

DO NOT LEAVE ME LORD “Dear Lord, My soul is restless and my heart is anxious. I know that it is because of your prodding that I cannot even stop and rest for a minute from the weariness I feel…but you promised that you would never let me fall from your grip no matter the times in my life I have fought to get away. I am glad for this when I take into account what really matters…

MY EYES ARE ON YOU LORD Lord, you have brought me to the testing place and it is clear and I know what it is you are requiring of me – it is my very life –it is everything familiar and safe and to give it up is to die…and I feel that. I have never felt so weak and the task is too difficult. Trusting You is so hard and yet “my way” is not what I desire either. Being my own God is comforting for a time. I feel that within my own power I do not have enough will or strength…Lord, help me to be broken and surrender my life into your caring hands. Allow me to love you with my whole heart – a heart that bends to the sway of your call. Give me the strength to pursue what you are working in me. I want to run away from facing the choice between heaven and here. Will my eyes look up? I pray I might be willing.”

IS THIS YOUR FAREWELL TO ME??? Baba Mwaniki, I want to remind you of my love for you and that I am praying for you as you go through your own suffering as a result of me being sick and any other. I hope you know that God is encouraging my heart daily and is enabling me to live with a security and belief that I am going to be handling this with His strength. I know some days are really hard for you and I wish I could be with you to hold you and assure you that all will be well. I hope instead, that you are truly experiencing your Father in a deeper way and that in the midst of your world falling apart you are coming to trust the One who ‘holds all things together’. We are not left to fear in the darkness or feel alone – God is holding both our hands and leading us into the thing we didn’t think we could ever face; but HE is with us. –Even now, we have Him by our side to help us face it all. I love you and stay full of faith.”

THIS MUST HAVE BEEN HER LAST WISH “Everybody has a devastation they can call their own. God in His providence takes our safe life and turns it on its kilter for the purpose of our sanctification. The details of my individual pain brought me face to face with a God who was messing with my private and controlled world. I had no resources in my toolbox that would fix it, patch it, or paint over it. It was at this crisis when life faded to gray, and when the echoes of my confusion were all lost in surreal emptiness that God chose to prove His character and display his compassion. He rescued me from my unbelief and gave me faith that would not perish under the crushing blows of a fallen order. My security and significance are found purely in surrender to God, for He alone is able to give “the surety of things not seen.”

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