What Is Anger?
We have lots of emotions. At different times, we may be happy, sad, or jealous. Anger is just another way we feel. It's perfectly OK to be angry
at times — in fact, it's important to get angry sometimes. But anger must be released in the right way. Otherwise we'll
be like a pot of boiling water with the lid left on.
If the steam doesn't escape, the water will finally boil
over and blow its top! When that happens to us, it's no fun for anyone. Anger is a feeling, a natural emotion, a human response
to our safety, well-being, and happiness. Everyone experiences anger, some people more intensely and frequently than others.
Though anger is one of the most common emotions known to the human race, few people are skilled at reacting to
this feeling with complete effectiveness. Many of us rely on a few specific responses that we learned as children and continue
to use as adults. These responses can turn into constructive or destructive behavior. Recognizing what makes us angry can
help us find better ways to cope with this emotion. It's not whether we get angry, but what we do with it that matters.
Anger can cause serious physical health problems like ulcers and heart disease. It can also make you act in
ways that cause you to lose your job, or friends or break up your marriage. You can deal with anger as it happens and you
can change your approach to life. Feelings
of anger are a normal reaction to some situations which are beyond your control. Sometimes, anger is an indication of too
much stress. It is hard to know if you should just let your anger pass or if it needs more attention to get rid of it. Anger is a serious problem requiring attention if it is: - Constantly on your mind for weeks at a time and is making it impossible to enjoy life;
- Caused by something that happened a long time ago causing you to do spiteful things;
- Making you act violently toward others or to yourself; interfering with your ability to do your job;
- Hurting your relationships with family or friends.
Angry people usually justify their anger, saying its someone else's fault
they are angry. Yet the Bible repeatedly warns us against giving in to anger when
we are upset by other people's words or actions.There is such a thing as righteous
anger. And sometimes we need to talk about
problems or deal with dangerous situations. (Even at these times, we must exercise self-control.) Yet most of the time, our
anger is not righteous. As James wrote, "Man's anger does not bring about
the righteous life that God desires" (James 1:20).
When we give in to anger, we often focus on our own welfare, comfort or happiness. Instead, we should
be primarily concerned about other people’s welfare and being a good witness for God.
I have been used to cover up my anger
in these ways: - Denial (ignoring the evidence).
- Peace at any price (giving in rather than having conflict; withdrawal).
- Grievance collecting (keeping track of everything that has happened).
- Passive/aggressive behavior (pouting, sarcasm, stubbornness, procrastination, generating
guilt).
- Bigotry (hating another group of people).
- All is well (overly sweet and nice about what is happening).
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Later I learnt that anger is healthy, normal,
and present at different times in all relationships. I also learnt to give each others the right to be angry. I came to understand
that when I feel angry, it is good if I can express my anger in words, stated calmly, and with love.
For me to be able to effectively manage my anger I have come to know that it is necessary to express
and acknowledge it and I should never attack in anger even though I share angry feelings.
I have also learnt of the need to agree with others that I won't yell at them unless there is extreme
danger.
If a firm, non-yelling policy is developed, it will remove the need for me to feel defensive
or to develop any type of retaliatory anger.
I
have in that end learnt that if I can express my anger calmly, I am better able to find out how and why the anger is present.
Resolving my anger is another area
God has helped me a lot.
I
have learnt to resolve my anger by admitting that I am angry. By denying feelings of anger I have learnt that they will not
go away, instead they will keep reappearing in inappropriate ways.
I also try not to over-react. I will mostly try and think about whether the situation is really
as bad as it seems, and then question myself how I would feel if I saw someone reacting as I may have to this situation. The
next thing I will do in times of anger is to try and force my attention onto a more pleasant thought, a happy vacation for
example, rather than the line up or traffic or whatever has made me angry.
I
do also try and identify the source of my anger, by trying to figure whether it is the actions or words of another person
that is hurting me. If that is so, I will try to deal with that person in a peaceful, productive way to
get them to understand why I am angry. The last thing I try to do in dealing with my anger is to listen carefully, without
interrupting the other person, so I can understand what the person is trying to explain. Whenever I handle my anger by using a calm approach to identify the cause of the anger and what can be done about it,
I usually find that the anger was based on a misunderstanding or misinterpreted words or deeds.
May the Lord
bless you as you learn new ways of relating so that you build others up, deal with problems, without tearing each other down.
Resolve to deal with issues on a daily basis. Don't let issues pile up and fester. You were meant to overcome problems in
your relationship with others. Also we can choose to walk in the freedom of forgiveness. We can also choose self control.
And lastly we can learn to control our temper and handle problems well. God will be glorifed and the devil will be horrified!
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